just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
