Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
