as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
