he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
