I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
