You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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