This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
