I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
