dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
