the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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