we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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