Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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