i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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