Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
