Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
