you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
