Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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