I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
