ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We smell like vodka and hangover
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