last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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