I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
