Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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