I didn't shave. On purpose
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
