you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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