No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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