I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
