I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
