I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
