i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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