I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
