I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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