OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
that is very illegal...i love you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
