I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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