I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
