trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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