You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
that may or may not have been my penis.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
