and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
