i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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