these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Fuck appropriateness.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think I sprained my soul last night
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
