I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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