You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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