he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My ATM looks so different sober.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
