stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
