peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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