just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
