Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
