Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
