Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
