i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
