hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
is it fun? or sober?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
