that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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