Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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